In english it really sucks but...

 11

Cancer’s road is a road of many tracks.

You do not know how and when or where your access point was to this highway of multiple channels that come and go, roads that go up and down, some exits that lead nowhere and –––others that end abruptly without reaching anything ... 

you are riding like a zombie on that roller coaster and you simply respond to the moment… if it rises slowly you get excited with expectation, if it remains static, you wallow between doubt and bewilderment and when it goes off into the void you are terrified with speed and vertigo.

From time to time you cry. Other times you laugh.

This Thursday I will have my lung’s surgery. Today is Tuesday. 

I woke up very early, got up and washed the wound from the recent surgery that is still healing, then prepared a coffee and I sat down to write these lines.

I realized that writing gives me strength. Maybe reading what I write gives me another perspective on what happens to me and let me see the good and the bad of this story. The good? It has made me realize the great blessings I have in my life. Feel loved. Re-finding friends I didn't know about in a long time ...

Lately I tend to be sad and reading can make me smile, reading the comments of friends gives me encouragement and hope; I had not written since the operation because I did not feel very positive but on Thursday, in two days, I undergo surgery again and I am writing to ask you (again) to put me in your prayers.

 I need them.

I hope this last operation is that: the last. And that this transit of mine through cancer ends here. Sometimes happens. Sometimes it doesn't happen.

I will keep writing. And painting. And designing.